Today is Christmas Eve for many, December 24th for others. For those stressing about the impending Bacchanalia of greed, well-wishing, peace, goodwill, fighting over cheap stuff at stores, and other schizophrenic activities, guess what, I’m gonna try to sell you something. No, no, no, don’t try to escape. You might be interested.
What I’m gonna push on you is books. Yep, if you haven’t bought that wonderful thing, that perfect thing, that personalized thing for that special person, then you might just find it here and delivery could be instantaneous. Also: shame on you for procrastinating, but wagging fingers is your mother’s job, not mine.
Got a friend or relative who is big on science fiction or fantasy? Want a holiday-themed bit of reading for them? Check out my three Christmas stories, available for Kindle, Nook, Kobo, and just about any other reading device through Smashwords.com. All three stories can be purchased for a lousy $3.99 American from the aforementioned Smashwords.com, the Amazon Kindle Store, the Barnes and Noble Nook Book Store, and Kobo. Also the Apple iBookstore and bunches of other online venues. And all can be either purchased outright and given to your bud (no DRM), or they can be gifted through the various web sites. It doesn’t get easier. You could be giving stuff away in seconds!
Try A Conroy Christmas, a strange journey into the peripheral weird in which three small town misfits fall into a Christmas metaphor from which there seems to be no escape. It starts with Chris Snow, oddball town philosopher and counter boy at a local hardware store, when he discovers a homeless girl out in the weather on Christmas Eve. But this is no ordinary homeless girl, if homeless girls are ever ordinary. This one has men in suits searching for her. Out-of-towners with sunglasses and bulges under their suit jackets. Chris tries to assist the girl, getting help from Frank Keith, a patrolman on the Conroy Police Department, and Harold Mumfry, the guy locked in the back of Officer Keith’s car. Together, these Three Wise Guys struggle to save lives and the quality thereof.
If your tastes are somewhat more subtle, try I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Family holiday get-togethers can often be strained. Try going off to see the universe, then return to your provincial farm folk family with a new boyfriend in tow. You hope this new beau passes Dad’s inspection, knowing full well that no beau ever gets the Old Man’s approval. Some of them even get thrown from the house in a very literal sense. But this boyfriend is different. This boyfriend is something like fifteen years older than you. Ouch! He didn’t used to be, but space-time dilation from your many trips to distant worlds has gradually moved the two of you further apart in age. Heck, you used to be an older sister, but now you’re the baby of the family. Welcome to family dynamics in the spacefaring age. Will this be a normal Christmas family reunion? God, you hope not. It will, however, be a heartwarming tale of the true meaning of Christmas, which as it turns out, may very well be survival.
And for those with a more adventuresome appetite, how about Walter Cheatham’s Cannibal Christmas? It’s like A Charlie Brown Christmas, but with cannibals. Walter Cheatham is a detective of sorts. He finds lost things. This Christmas Eve, he’s busy trying to locate a ten-year-old girl who has been invited to someone’s Christmas dinner — as the entree. Walter must find the girl alive, unroasted and in one piece, deliver her to her panicking parents, and also get his Christmas shopping done. All of thise takes place in the strangest of dystopian worlds.
OR you could get all three of these stories plus two more by my good friends James L. Wilber and Shade OfRoses, all for $6.99 at Kindle and smashwords. They’re compiled in a holiday fiction anthology we call A Mid-World Christmas Collection.
Go ahead. Check them out. Better yet, just buy them. You didn’t really want to suffer through the same old sappy Christmas stories you’ve read and heard for years, now did you? You want something new, different, edgy, and bizarre. I mean, isn’t it fun just to say “Walter Cheatham’s Cannibal Christmas”? Many of those words don’t normally go together. But they do this year.